Transfer Rumour Latest - Wheel Clamp To The Rescue!

Our City contact, who has strong links to a 'knowledgeable' Blues staff member, wasn't immediately forthcoming with new information concerning our summer transfer manoeuvres. He apparently is 'sworn to secrecy' and would 'pay with his job' if he were to be traced after blagging educated guesses or confidential City information to the likes of ManTwitty. Whilst on one hand this is extremely disappointing (we'd all love to report some great City news before it officially breaks!), on the other hand it demonstrates a growing professionalism at the club, which we all should respect and be happy with.

Knowing that a strong shandy or two can lower the guard, oil the tongue and bring to ruin the foundations of professionalism, he started our meeting by employing unfair tactics. He insisted he drove to the rendezvous point, that being a quiet Didsbury bar in the suburbs of Manchester. Being a law abiding citizen (as We're sure all us Citizens undoubtedly are!) he would therefore be consuming nancy boy soft drinks only. Damn, our plan was going up in smoke.

Slurping on his Pepsi-Cola he remained tight lipped on the things that matter to us City supporters. Trying to prise transfer facts from this 'alcohol free zone' proved difficult and was doomed to failure.

After a while we decided to call it a day and made for the car park only to find that his Volvo had been wheel clamped. He was far from happy, in fact he was steaming mad! It was his personal policy not to pay for parking, "why should I? I'm a f*cking subscriber to road tax!". Possibly not the strongest argument. Apparently he'd always gotten away with it... yer right! He immediately tried to call the good people at the clamp company to arranged for the release of his Swedish pride and joy, only to be greeted by an engaged tone for the next hour or so. It was a struggle to contain the amusement.... and that's when things became interesting!

His mood had changed, the impending fine had hit him hard. The world was now his foe. Evil had appeared before him and it had been bright yellow, cold, metallic and thirsty for cash. "Get me a drink!" he bawled.

Walk this way my good fellow! (btw, his car predicament would be resolved the following day).

We re-entered the bar, which now buzzed with excitement. ManTwitty ordered the refreshments. A pint of 'beater of the missus' for the main man and something a little lighter for ManTwitty. A few cheeky ones later and his anger had subsided (rather surprisingly knowing the reputation of Stella Artois) and somehow the conversation returned to our beloved Blues.

Here's ManTwitty's recollection of what he said concerning transfers to City as the haze descended :

Tevez (Man Yoo) :
Extremely likely, expect confirmation shortly. Only the sale of Man Yoo's 'prized asset' (Tranaldo) to Real Madrid could effect the outcome.

Eto'o (Barca) :
Still in the balance. Likely to leave Barca. Will go to City, Chelsea or Inter Milan.

RSC (Blackburn) :
Probable, could be announced imminently. Hughes is a big admirer of the target man. Alternatives include Huntelaar (Real), Dzeko (Wolfsburg), Carew (Villa) or Crouch (Portsmouth). Expect one to sign.

Johnson (Portsmouth) :
Outside chance. Will provide competition at right back.

Lescott (Everton) :
In the balance. Encountering resistance from a determined Moyes. May have to offer Micah in a swap deal.

Villa (Valencia) :
Unlikely. Wants a move to Madrid or Barcelona.

Toure (Barcelona) :
Seriously being pursued. Wants a pay rise, which plays into our hands.

Torres (Liverpool) :
Long shot, but don't rule it out!!! It's got to be £40m+! Liverpool in the shit.

Fernando would certainly be a wonderful surprise!

Only time will tell.

Good times!

ManTwitty.